Author Archives: eclecticbooktalk

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russel- 5 Important Conversations

This is not supposed to be a love story, but Vanessa doesn’t know that. And throughout the book we see the heartbreaking and impossible aftermath of having to deal with childhood sexual trauma. And coming into the difficult realization that what she remembers and what she has told herself to romanticize about her life, might have actually been abusive and unsolicited.

This is a really dark, devastatingly gripping and depressing – yet compassionate story. And such an important novel as well, for many different reasons. Although really uncomfortable to read at times, it was perfectly written. Vanessa’s thoughts and experiences were really vivid, although blurry and gaslighted at times, most of the time by her own self. We got to really understand and root for her to realize what had happened to her life, rooted for her to be on her own side. 

There are several reasons why I think it is important to read this book: 

  • It sheds a light on how traumas don’t have to be the same to affect someone and to get taken seriously – she singlehandedly explained the whole concept of individual trauma  or complex trauma with the words “it was enough to wreck me”. Meaning that every experience deserves not only to be taken seriously, but to be put on a healing and understanding path. We don’t choose how much something is going to affects us, we just have to learn how to understand and create an ideal surrounding for us and our minds. 
  • The complexity of consent and how little room it leaves for people to explore, to be curious or to change their minds. It is dangerous to assume that the word consent is reduced to a simple Yes or No explanation. The book Tomorrow Sex Wil be Good Again by Katherine Angel is a really good way to get a more in depth explanation on this subject and the different points of view one has to take into consideration before forming an opinion on this.
  • How not everyone has to talk about what they have been through. And how people shouldn’t shame the ones that do choose to talk about it. How we all heal in different ways and need more time than others and that is okay.
  • How it is true that journalists and the media are oftentimes only looking for momentum and click-bait titles instead of actually shedding a light on important current events.
  • And maybe the saddest one, is how lonely girlhood becomes and how confusing womanhood is in the face of trauma. A similar book on troubling girlhood would be The Torn Skirt by Rebecca Godfrey.

Also similar story would be “Luckiest Girl Alive” which recently premiered on Netflix and is based on the book of the same name by Jessica Knoll. Which I also think did an amazing job at portraying a woman trying to figure out her own dark impulses after being shamed and taken advantage of in some areas of her life. And also reflecting on how freeing it is, when you don’t have to hide the shameful things anymore.

This book has trigger warnings. If you would like a little bit of a non-fiction further reading on these topics and how they may affect you, how to understand them and eventually heal them, I would recommend:

Read My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russel

On Being an Entrepreneur with An Affective Disorder

One of the hardest things about running a business, and trying to make it into a successful one, is doing so while you’re struggling with your mental health. And, as different studies have shown, more than 70% of self-employed people do.

To me, being an entrepreneur is not only about getting rich. Or about the hedonistic elation that might come when you’re trying to prove everyone wrong. (Which doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a terrible person. You’re allowed to feel good about yourself and celebrate the success you’ve had). But, as a person that struggles with her mind, being financially secure, financially literate, and having financial freedom is extremely important. 

Because of many different reasons, and I’m sure very relatable ones, I have a hard time working for other people. Either because of the pressure, the incomprehensible deadlines or the damaging work environment. This is why taking control of my own mental and financial stability is one of my top priorities.

Like in every other career path, venturing on you own can have great risks, as well as considerable amounts of stress and unpredictability. Even then, I think it is possible to learn how to manage the uncertainty. It is also possible to get to know yourself, to understand your advantages and your weaknesses, and to use them to your advantage. So that you can come up with a plan that will help you run things smoothly. Even when things aren’t running as smoothly in your mind.

It is also not unknown that the treatment for any illness can become quite expensive. As well as it can put you in rather unpleasant financial situations, due to relapses or poor judgement in your worst days.

This is not to say that you aren’t capable. You can plan, act strategically and find new ways to make a better, more sustainable life for yourself. I firmly believe that this is possible for a lot of people. Through learning, planning, and having not pity, but compassion with yourself.

I understand sometimes it is hard to take the necessary responsibility. To change things up or to believe that having a successful career that you enjoy is an obtainable goal. I know about the shame and the doubts. Especially when in the past you haven’t had full control over your decisions or behaviors at times. But if you’re still here, I am convinced it is still worth it to try. To search for new ways of understanding yourself and the world around you. And to look for the tools that will make your decision-making process a bit easier.

That is part of the reason I started this blog. To document the process of learning how to better manage my mind as well as my time. Just in case it may be of any use to anybody who might be struggling in similar ways. 

Through Eclectic Book Talk I want to shed a light on the different aspects of having a mental illness. How it affects almost everything in your life. And how, with the correct tools and knowledge, you can create a stable lifestyle that supports your needs.

This is a journey of prosperity and holistic wellbeing. I keep telling myself it is okay to be scared, as long as you’re intrigued. Curiosity keeps you alive.