It didn’t matter how much we tried to bring her back
she didn’t exist, she never could
and all your failed attempts at a happy life
mark a timeline on her body in the shape of ghastly scars
There was always something dark deep within her
and she carried it like a cross, everywhere she went
thought one day she could get rid of it, forget that it was there
but it was her only true companion, loyal as she ever tried to be
For years now she could recognize it in her eyes
the mirror, stricken with horror, appalled
her hands, wanting to choke it out, spit it out
but it was as much a part of her as her own faulty heart
And, for what it’s worth
she did poison herself with regret all her life
for not being what you wanted, what you believed she could be
all the expectations that were born with love turned to shame
In drowning the monster she drowned herself
she always knew it was the only way
and, if I were you, I’d look away
no stone light enough to keep her from drowning
no man strong enough to keep her from dying
You’ll never again have to deal with her sporadic self-destruction
the dreadful, mercurial moods, and all the lies she told you
to keep you safe, to keep you out
So, as a final wish
let her grow weeds across her body, let them sprout in her mouth
the only thing she ever did know how to nurture was decay
and her eyes, now bloodshot and frozen
will never have to see yours cry, every day
And she will sink
as all dying things do
soundless and seemingly sleeping
to the bottom of the creek, her new home
it had been calling her for ages
’till she finally and peacefully, let go
If you insist, you can remember her as you wish
would repent for three more lifetimes before asking you for more
she knew well how you tried to give her everything
and how broken she left you in return
Don’t worry about wrapping her in precious clothes
she never considered herself as saintly, nor as whole
and she always could perceive how demonic
and ungodly she must have looked like in your eyes
Even then, she felt how much you tried to love her
and your abundant prayers that never did reach her
since not even the forgiving gods could have fixed her
And how lovely, the moss that carried her
How sweet the kelp stuck on her ribs
Funny, colorful fish, picking at her skin,
She is nothing but poison and they’ll only get sick
Don’t keep her in your memories
Don’t put flowers on her grave
Such beautiful colors don’t deserve
to wither in her name
eclectic book talk 